Mind fucked…

No. This post isn't as depressing as the title sounds. But yes, I've always felt that my mind has been my enemy in these recent years. A mind triggered by social networking. Too much of thinking is like quick sand, pulls you down slowly. And then.. going down becomes a routine… it also becomes difficult to take a plunge every single time.

I tried fighting the mind. But it only makes things worse. Remember what happened to Doctor Octopus when his brain controlling chip fused? That's pretty much what I'm talking about.

Yes there is Yoga. But it comes with one more thing called "discipline". That's when a "full stop" is added to this escape route.

Let's not fight the mind for now. Let it take me, wherever it goes..

Saw "Dum maro dum" today. Loved it. Also, it has aroused my interest in psychoactive drugs again. Naah, I don't think about taking them. But a certain curiosity is still there.

Dad in the hospital. Nothing serious. Prayers will help.

So long.

Today I returned on twitter for sometime, and watched it kill my day
slowly and ruthlessly. I'll still stand by my opinion Twitter is bad
bad bad. Yep.

It was Sachin Tendulkar's bday today. I truly regard him as someone
with a divine force. They showed a documentary about him on TV today,
and that he had played for some 55 consecutive days straight. I call
that pure dedication. And I compared myself, how even a busy month
gets me all depressed.

Then again, he's Sachin and I'm a good for nothing wolf. Yep.

I strongly believe that the divine power bestows an unstoppable
passion to a person, and then puts him in a right direction. It all
automatically happens under his supervision. Yep.

God bless Sachin.

Also Shri Satya Sai died today. I wasn't a follower of his. But he was
a saint. And any saint who has managed to break a materialistic
circle, and served mankind has all my respect.

God bless his soul too.

In the end, I'd also like to crib out my troubling thoughts. A
question that troubled me today.

In today's world every individual is judged on materialistic
parameters. Some people like me, do not fulfill some of those
parameters. After a while, what matters is the emotional support. But
it's like a deal ppl make, they want to be with THE best person, a
materialistically best person.

Are there ppl, who take a chance, and gamble on Golden hearts? Or is
it actually dog's world?

GAH.

Thank the ugliness...

You all should be thankful for your ugliness.
It's like a barrier provided to you, which automatically filters out
people who're not worth a damn.
Yes.

Have a beautiful heart. Keep it polished , in shape. People who cross
the gates of your ugliness will witness a beautiful heart. A never
ending fountain of love and affection, that they'll cherish their
entire life.

Therefore, thank the ugliness. Yep.

====

Mind state is coming on track.
See, less social networking helps the nerves. Yep.
Get off your computer screens. A beautiful life is waiting to be lived. Yep.

I'm always looking back,
Trying to find,
Someone,
I've left behind...


Her thoughts haunted me again..
Thanks to the cloudy weather and mushy music.
Gah.


===Back to the seminar presentation===

All you have is the moment...

It's all in THIS moment.
Don't have a false opinion about a certain need/aspiration/ dream
leading to ultimate content-ness.
If you stop accepting the moment for what it is, then there's a very
large possibility that you'll not witness bliss, all your life.

====
Need to numb the brain cells.
Also, I'm so glad that I'm off twitter. I don't plan to return to it.
Twitter just gives a make believe impression about yourself. Nothing
over there is real. What's real is in front of you? Look at the
mirror. That's you. The real deal. Yep.

RIP Christopher McCandless...

I had this movie "Into the wild" on my computer, for a while now. Saw it today.

I'm speechless. Yep.

I always used to question the system we live in. The so- called rules
we've created and how we've given a Godly status to money. This movie
just put everything in perspective for me. We NEED the system.

But, for some time, people should be sent, on their own, into the
wilderness. So that everyone can find the uniqueness in them. Yeah.
It's about finding yourself.

You should watch this movie. What's heart breaking, is that it's based
on a true story.

Christopher McCandless, a man who thought that life could be free
flowing process. Just like I want it to be.

May God bless his soul. RIP.

=====

Life's okay.
Frequent mindfucks happen.
I need to calm down.
Someone press the fast forward button.

Nothing like sleep...

Nothing like sleep, dude. Nothing like sleep.

Yesterday, I was all mindfucked. Locked in my room as the folks of my
family watched their TV merrily in the other room.

So I skipped dinner and went to sleep. I woke up today morning.
Brushed my teeth. Went to sleep again. Woke up again. Read some
newspaper crap, and Went to sleep again.

It's 11 am. The situation is like yesterday. I'm in my room. The
family folks are busy with their hustle bustle, but i'm here with my
solitude intact.

There are no questions in the mind. My conscience is showing a big
finger to the mind, as it lay defeated. A thousand flames of hope
dazzle in the midst of darkness.

And I repeat,

Nothing like sleep, dude.
Nothing like sleep.

Yep. I'm anti social. I've got a social phobia. People make me
uncomfortable. I'm a wolf who won't even go for hunting, just to justify
his social phobia.

But, actually isn't life just about those countable number of people
around you. The faces may change with time. But they'll always remain
a few of them. Yep.

Then why indulge in make- believe crowded, celebrations? I actually
want to specify Indian weddings here.

They scare the shit outta me. So many people. Cameras here and there.
How to walk, how to hold a normal expression, how to not look too
ugly, and a hundred questions keep echoing in the mind. Gah.

Why can't it be about "You" and "I" and "Tom Dick and Harry"? Won't it
be beautiful that way?

=====

Mind has started fucking around with me again. I see a doomed future,
even before it's actually doomed.

It's like I've beheaded the optimist inside me and I'm rubbing a lemon
on his neck. Yep.

A thing to be glad. An idea sparked in my mind today. I hope I get to
execute it, before I hit that grave. Heh.

Eeeeeee!

Today's day was like this technicolor day, coming my way as I
struggled to live a black and white life.

I may be dead tired as I tap this post on my bed, but I have a smile on my face.

Once again, it's proved that number 2 is a lucky digit for me. April
11th it is today. Even a friend thinks that number 2 is lucky for him,
that's coz he gets laid on the second of every month. Yeah. But hush!
Don't tell anybody, secrets are exclusively let out on this blog.
Also, I'd love to date number 2 born chicks. Yeah. Ping me.

I'll try not to smile, as i sleep tonight. Also I can hear a Jason
Miraz singing "I'm yours" in my head. Yeah. That gibberish hum "Dum tu
du du tu du"

Eeee!

PS- Oh thou higher power, a pinch of days like these are urgently
required in my life. Yep.

I also love Irani chicks.
The above line may not make any sense here. But still.

To Sylvia Plath...

These days I've been reading a lot of poetry by Sylvia Plath. I remember back in high school, we had a poem by her in our english text book. I also remember the teacher telling us, that she was under a lot of stress and depression, and had committed suicide.

So yesterday I just googled her up and found out that she had put her head in an oven and killed herself!

I went on and read some of her poems. Some were very abstract. But some had intense dark emotions bursting out of them.

It's tragic how this young and beautiful lady, decided to take such an extreme step. Maybe, all she wanted was someone to talk to. A husband who left her. A father who died. Crippling her emotions which looked for support.

I was thinking, only if I'd knew her. I would've heard her heart out. Maybe, even had a drink or two with her.

..because that's what some people need. Just someone to talk to. But they're left there, in those dark corners as their emotions haunt the valleys of loneliness...

As I always say,
Some people are meant to walk the shadows.

Sylvia may be gone. But she has left priceless words behind her. Words which will echo till the end of time. Giving people glimpses of the hells, people go through.

I miss you Sylvia, wish I would've been there, to lend my shoulder to you...

I'd like to end this post with some lines by her-



"Sooner or later something goes amiss,
The singing birds pack up and fly away.
So never try to trick me with a kiss,
The dying man will scoff and scorn at this."

R.I.P Sylvia..

There's no God except nature. All the religions in this world, are
actually a projection of imaginations. Nature has been there all this
while, like free flowing, stream of truth.

Let things free flow. Don't make changes to it. Surrender to the womb
of nature. Nature will give you the strength you need, will mould you
into the type of person you're supposed to be. Let the wicked remain
wicked, the kind remain kind. All of them are just following their
natural instincts.

As my master Osho says- You have come out of a womb, and now you're in
the womb of nature. Surrender to it. You'll be fine.

Exist like everything nature. Like a free flowing stream, or a breeze
let loose. Exist freely in perfect bliss.

====

Cough syrups and the sleep, and these post sleep thoughts. It's an
endless dive mixed with extreme solitude. Bliss.

Random blabber

When you've got a heavy rock of sadness or misery on your heart. Go
ahead and carve some words out of it. You'll feel better. Yep.

Also,

Life would've been a meaningless air exchange, if there were no people
with us. Therefore, value your company. Apologize, make up, kiss and
patch up. Do anything, but never let go if it's in your control.

And...

Simplify life. Your mind is your enemy. Social networking triggers the
mind. The mind becomes so active, that it starts troubling you.
Therefore, get off Facebook/Twitter. I'm assuming that you've already
left poor Orkut. Lucky Orkut.

Blah. Blah. Show over.
Gah.

No matter what kind of relationship I make, I never forget to bond it
to myself with an emotional "quick fix"

I know when a person is fooling around with me, but I deliberately be
a dodo, because it's all worth it, worth the heartfelt bonds you make.

But sometimes, due to situations/circumstances/times, people move on.
Thereby ripping themselves away from the "quick fix" bond, I had with
them.

Leaving me with a burning sensation, as I try to feel the warmth of a
bond that once existed...

Maybe, this burning sensation is a price you pay for the bonds you make.

But love, friendship are worth everything, even if it means, diving
into an inferno.

Yep

...Let me just be a mirror, and witness whatever is happening...

...Once I see the light, I'll be transparent, and let it in...

Knots of the Past

There are times, when life tangles up, creating knots in the past.

The only way life will untangle back, is when those knots are undone.

For this, one has to wait as a part of him is tied to the knots of the
past, which may or may not be undone.

----

What that meant?
#GoFigure
Also, a long long hiatus from social networking begins.
Also, I've realised that I shouldn't speak too much. Just be a like a
locked chest storing those valuable realisations. Yep.

Can't sleep.

Why?

And there's no answer.

I don't feel good. It's like my skull is burning like that "Ghost
rider" , fuelled by unfulfilled desires and too many regrets.

It's like someone just took away all the colour. Turning the state of
mind, into a greyish dark picture.

Nothing sparks happiness. I tried. Music stopped pleasing. Writing consoled.

Looking back, I realise that it was the same all this time. Maybe I
was supposed to walk the shadows. Yeah.

...or maybe, I've just lost all the patience I had.

I sense some sleep now.

See you on the other side, which is hopefully better, than this one.

Amen.

PS- I'm not re-checking what I wrote. Small minds can get amused by
the typos. All yours.

Random Rant

So I just thought of updating this space. Blabbering out questions that haunt my mind. I know these questions will stay here as words that don't make any sense, and will rot till the end of time. BUT , Words are all I have, Why not use em? Heh.

I don't know if many of you feel this incompleteness, that there's something, something missing. I might be one of those mindfucks in the world but I look around and almost everyone is as mindfucked as me. BLAH!

Is this the way of life, that as you move on, you'll get mindfucked eventhough if you look back at those times back again, you'll say "Ah, those were THE days"

This those-were-the-days realisation is a late comer.Maybe that's the rule of nature.

Maybe life is the resistance of mindfuck. Maybe.

Meanwhile the question that haunts me is....

What's missing?

THE Farewell letter....

Hello everyone,

I actually don't know how to begin this. But I'll try to make as short as possible.

You're probably here, because you either mentioned me , or DMed me to comment/suggest/request me about the fact that I'm deleting my account. Now, I may not know what made you call out to me one last time. Maybe because you read my self contradicting philosophies, my rants of the failed rockstar dreams I had, my super depressing thoughts triggered by my hopeless engineering degree or the ultra mushy thoughts of the average good-for-nothing guy that I am. Whatever may be the case, just the fact that you called out to me, makes me happy.

In real life, I might be a weird misfit, but on twitter I can be myself and let out the stream of my weird/wanna be/cliche philosophical thoughts. My tweets are just group of words spaced together, unless you don't read them. Those words might spark a feeling in you. If you feel my words, you feel me and the world is a little less lonely.

I won't end it with a happy april fool's day. But I'd like to spread out my arms and give each one of you a big tight hug so that you don't slaughter me.Yep.

I love you, you and you. Yep.


PS- Punkster101 has still more years to tweet and spam the inter webs. AMEN.