Sewer Openings

So you slog in the gutter, a place where you're eventually thrown into. Most lives obey a pattern, souls are thrown into gutters and their beliefs are put to test. They're shown projections of goodness as they become self proclaimed maniacs trying to shun a reality.

The good thing about the gutter is that there are sewer openings which help light to seep in. These sewer openings are the little joys, the humble consolations for troubled souls. One can stand under the sewer opening and cherish the spirit of survival, endurance and can feel the life that still remains alive in those tired gasps.

But the moment there is a sewer opening drawing closer, the crawl through the gutter becomes just a little more tougher. I myself see a sewer hole ahead and somehow this gutter is now burning like a hellish inferno...

The Jigsaw

With one of my favorite songs ringing in my ears, I kinda realize my situation as of now. I've learnt that trying hard to fix those pieces of the jigsaw don't help. It just leads to a lot of confusion and a lot of misery. Those pieces just fall in their places on their own and with each falling piece the face of your destiny unravels. It may or may not match your expectations, but it will be right there in front of you.

Even I try fixing those pieces of the puzzle, but it never helps. I compare myself with those who've made their lives and come out as idealistic examples. Maybe they might have got an invisible assistance in fixing up their jigsaw. I sometimes get worried as my mind whips my conscience and my thoughts question my very existence. But the pieces of the jigsaw keep self assembling...

Wanderers of the night

As far as life is concerned, I've found a new one recently. It actually seems that the change of situation has unraveled a parallel universe for me. A universe where you lose track of time, where the day actually begins when the sun goes down and there's a curtain shielding your mind from unwanted and disturbing thoughts.

Every day is a new day, although you never know which day it is. You're not concerned about the day, the time, you're just an endless wanderer of the night. Post 3 am the entire world around you goes slow mo, it actually feels like you're on drugs. You can play a Ghazal and can actually hear your thoughts whispering out to you.

For normal perspectives, night shifts are bad, inconvenient, harmful. But it's actually something beautiful altogether. The world may follow its make-believe "Rise and shine" routine, starting out with expectations and coming back with none. But we wanderers of the night, don't have any expectations. The truthful night talks to us in silence. We just engross ourselves in its beauty, away from time, space and miseries of a normal life.

Rockstar :: Movie review

To be frank I was just expecting that this movie would be about a random boy, making it big, battling addictions and finally collapsing. But the movie surprised me. Yep.

I won't discuss the entire story of the movie. But Rockstar is actually a love story and rock n roll is just used as a backdrop. The actual "Rock stars" like Morrison, Cobain were actually fighting a battle with themselves and with their lives overall. However, the movie does not depict anything similar, but manages to tell a tale of love, sprinkled with some good music. Although the movie makers were trying hard to depict Ranbir like the cliche rock star who's a stoner in response to a miserable state of mind.

However, it seems like they were trying to exaggerate his rage just to match his persona with a typical rock star. The overall progression of the story is good, but at times it is too abrupt and fast. Thumbs up to the cinematography, Ranbir, Nargis and the music which blends nicely with the movie.

Overall, Rockstar is a good movie which does not try to be cliche but manages to tell a beautiful story about a beautiful emotion they call "love".

Are you ?

They all had lives to cope up with, every time they walked out of their houses, they walked like warriors heading to the battle field.

They all come to their offices. Gulp down countless cups of coffee. Laugh their fake laughs. They all were in the gutter.

But the question is, were they happy ?

Many were.

Are you ?

Homeless

Updating this space after a long time. Just because I feel like. Just because there are things in my mind that have to be brought out, thoughts that are entrapped like fierce bulls. They all have to be let out. Because they mean nothing, their governance is only limited to my perspective. Whatever happens in the end may or may not match my perspective.

This time, I'm argumenting with myself, as to what would be the definition of the word "home". The materialistic part of me relates it to physical aspects of the place I live in, the comfy bed, the clean loo and the company of my folks. This pretty much sums up a home.

But then, a part of me knows of a different home. It's when you're doing what you've always wanted to do. It's when there's a desire to live a day more and not surrender to bad times. Home is attained, when you feel at ease with yourself. You're not home, when you're just roaming around here and there, in search of a refuge. When you find yourself, is the time you actually find a home.

...and that's how I'm homeless. Yep.

Dreams

All of us are bestowed with the trait of wishful thinking. A thinking which weaves dreams. Dreams that try to project a hypothetical course of our life.

Yes. Dreaming is important. Your dream is your lantern. It shows you possibilities of the turns your life can take and the possibilities of your journey.

Everyone dreams, and finds projections which entertain their wishful thinking. They all look at the future through the lantern of their dream. But a few of them walk the path that they see.

Because eventually the dream-fuelled lantern goes off, and the darkness of reality persists. A darkness which proves that the dream was just a befooling illusion.

BUT

One has to keep fuelling the dream. Keep the lantern burning. Only then, the path will unravel. Only then, you will find a way. A way that may or may not be close to your dream, but will surely take you where you're supposed to be.

So yes,
Keep the lantern burning,
Keep dreaming...

"The" Jagjit Singh

Ghazal maestro Jagjit Singh's has departed. My heart has been mourning for this terrible loss, an emotional support pillar has been shattered to pieces.

I still remember those late night study sessions when my helpless mind used to crumble under the pressures of an engineering degree. On one such night, I'd found an old CD with some 50 odd Ghazals by Jagjit Singh. I used to play it in the backdrop and my mind used to refrain from agitating. From the late night study sessions, Jagjit Sir's Ghazals slowly percolated into my playlists. There was a time when the only music I listened to, were the Ghazals by Jagjit sir.

It was like finding a shell to hide yourself, away from the pressures of a stressful life. Maybe there were many people like me. People who found an emotional refuge in his voice. A relief that the world outside failed to provide. Jagjit himself had faced many misfortunes in his life, like the death of his only son, maybe that's how he made a connection with our troubled hearts. He made people forget their woes for sometime, like a dear friend who understood, who felt, how you exactly felt like.

When it comes to music, Jagjit Sir fused western instruments like guitars, flutes, violins, drums with traditional indian instruments like tabla, harmonium, sitar, taking the Ghazal genre to a whole new level. As far his divine voice is concerned, don't be surprised when doctors recommend his voice for its therapeutic value.

Personally, Jagjit sir taught my shaky feet how to walk. His Ghazals are treasured gifts, I'll value for the rest of my life. It's like I'm connected to something divine, whenever I listen to him. I always wanted to watch him live. 2 months back I'd even got a chance. My uncle had even promised a face-to-face meeting. But things didn't shape up, I regret the course of my destiny for this.

This Ghazal maestro's voice will echo till the end of time and will serve as a guiding star for people who've lost their way, walking this highly unpredictable life.

I'd like to end with some lines from one of my favorite Ghazal...

Apni marzi se...Kahaan apne...
Safar ke...Hum hai...
Rukh hawaon ka...Jidhar ka hai..
Udhar ke.. Hum hai...

RIP Jagjit Sir. We love you.

Feeling the Divine...

There are times when you feel the force, the force that has been watching over you.
All of a sudden, the least loved is the most loved.
It’s a feeling that brings you back to life and tears roll out from those eyes.
At last you feel an unconditional love and all those dead flowers in your heart begin to blossom. That is when you feel the divine….

PS- Hooked to this song these days.

Silence

Silence is essential. For the realizations to seep in. For acknowledging the fact, that everything that's uttered is never eternal. What's said is just a puppet show of the moment. Once the show's over, the commentary won't make any sense.

Because life is this endless ocean, its wave patterns can never be formulated into solid words, that will hold its real meaning.

The observers will see a thousand things and will have million arguments to prove. Still the spectating will remain endless, and they'll never run out of arguments.

No matter how much ever is said, silence will ultimately take over, and prove that what's said, is always too less.

The Road

The road has been laid. You're just walking it, all the time.

Crossing the turns, the confusing zig zags and sometimes, even taking a U turn.

There may be times when you'll be lost, the road ahead may be misty. Then, all you can assure yourself is that the way ahead will remain unchanged, no matter what. Your wondering, worrying, frustration or struggle won't change the course of your path.

Therefore, don't run, rush or worry. Walk your road.

The unchangable road, your destiny. You don't construct it, you merely walk it. Yep.

Life is endless music

Life is music, endless music. Music we respond to. Music that gives a new meaning to each phase.

There are days when the tune is rhythmic, when you know exactly when the next beat will hit. A distorted guitar chord progression signifies your energy, your confidence, your happiness. You're in complete control of your life.

Then there are days, when the sweet keys of the piano hit the high octaves, sweet melodies compliment the sweet sweet feelings in you and violin harmonies, describing the depths of those warm and fuzzy feelings in your heart.

Then there are days when the orchestra hits those minus notes. When life is a dark mystery. When nothing seems to be true as an eventual end is seen. And a sweet little flute plays, describing the sadistic reality of being all alone in our journey.

These are just a few musical arrangements among the countless ones that exist. The melody may change from time to time. But make sure you keep humming along..

Lost

It's one of those nights when thoughts want to wander and the mind
doesn't want to sleep.

One of those nights, when I looked at reality in the eye. In front of
which my life looks so purposeless. An entire world looks so useless
infact. It was not something that I wanted, it was something I wanted
to feel. A sense of belonging to the world I want to see; An
unconditional world with no needs, providing a whole hearted
acceptance. Maybe that's what makes life complete.

The thorns have overgrown and the roses have died. Worldly parameters
have been made, material well being gives emotional well being too.
Needs have taken the forefront. People have become the demons of the
modern life, less forgiving, less compromising, influenced by needs
and desires that govern their feelings.

Where are the hearts of gold I ask. Maybe they've all left them
behind. They've traded their hearts and earned a namesake well being
in the modern life. Deep inside, they're all troubled, I know.

In a world like this, people like me, feel lost...

Regret

Regret hurts. Yes, it does.
It's when the past laughs at your present's face, and there's nothing you can do about it.

We all make mistakes, because that's how we justify ourselves as human beings.

In the end it's love that numbs every regret, every pain and kills every demon of the past. Some people are not bestowed with love that's unconditional. They're judged by their past. That's how the wounds never die out and regret overshadows a life.

Yep.

Surviving the blues in the office.

To The Working Class Hero...

Tada!

I'm back after a very long time. I could picture this blog frowning at me, due to the lack of attention given to it.

A busy life had engulfed me. Leaving no time to crib. There's an office, which is my window to the outer world. Something very different from the four corners of my room.

I meet new people, from all walks of life. Surviving their storms and coming to office daily in their formal clothes. More than their clothes, it's their faces that tell me their stories. Faces which manage to laugh, even at poorest of jokes. Their lives may be shitty. But for a while, they remain blissfully distracted.

Sooner or later, every individual leaves his/her close confinements. That's when a bubble bursts. A bubble which displayed confusion, mystery and thoughts blinded by fantasy rather than experience. But once you hit the road of experience, the bad becomes acceptable.

The sad, the depressed and the miserable should go out and see an entire world fighting miseries. They're all fucked up. But every morning they wake up, and show a middle finger to their troubles, with each passing day.

YEP.

Lifeless Corpses...

Lucky are those who've found a way and are blissfully headed towards their graves.

I belong to the "confused" lot. There are times when I fail to understand my purpose and my entire life seems "meaningless". All of us are here for a reason. Some create innovations, some play with numbers, some create dream worlds through words, some make music. They say, it takes time to realize your purpose. Some people are special, because at a very young age, they find the path that belongs to them. Some find it out a later on. Even Buddha attained enlightenment after marriage.

In the end, Its destiny that has all the answers. Some people live an entire life in uncertainty. So you cannot be assured of finding a way.

But destiny should be fair. Either it should direct us to our ways as soon as possible, or gives us a relaxed conscience that finds solace in uncertainty.

Because without a purpose in our lives, or without relief in our hearts about our uncertain life...
We are just lifeless corpses. Yep.

A Letter to my 16 Year Old Self...

Dear 16 year old self,

I know how you feel. I really do. You've been through a lot, I know. But I applaud you as you're more lively and happier than me. People may despise you, family may side line you, but you still manage to laugh your heart out and smile at mere strangers. You possess a baby's heart, that's so easily distracted by small pleasures in life. Please don't lose this trait somewhere down the line.

You're braver than me, you handle rejection and misery in a better manner. You've handled an emotionally chaotic childhood very well. You may shed a tear or two but after some time you're laughing your ass off at anything that's slightly laughable.

Don't listen to your family when they mistake your "Internet surfing" as your "Technical interest". Your mind is light years away from anything logical. It flies in the skies of creativity. Be a kite flier of your thoughts, that's what you're meant to do. Trust me. Don't opt for engineering, it'll set you on a different road altogether and you'll be lost.

Maintain that confidence you have right now. You KNOW you can act, sing, dance and write. Never forget what your teacher says when she talks about the "expression" in your writing. Those poems at the back of your note book are great. You CAN form the next big punk rock band, if you DON'T enroll into an engineering course.

You may be different in every way, the world may sideline you, but you're special too. You always love with all your heart (That's why you gave a ring to that girl which she casually rejected), you're always there for your friends (Although they don't really value you). Always have this "giving" nature. Because you have a heart of gold, and it does not matter if the world does not acknowledge it.

Don't cry when you grow older, girls don't find it cool.

In the end, I just want you to know that you're God's special child. Different AND special in every way. You MUST know that at all times, so that you don't turn into a Bewada Devdas like me. I know you want to be loved, but for that you have to love yourself. Because my dear, you're special..

I wish I could be like you.

I hope and pray you don't grow up and find this post to be your "True Story".

Much love,

Your 22 year old self...

Another post. Another (failed) attempt to make sense out of words.

But this time i'll not talk about words. I'll talk about silence. About the importance of being silent. I've never really understood the need to talk. The world accused me of being "reserved" or a "social outcast". Words don't matter, what matters is the realization. People say a lot of things they don't really mean. Some only say something when they mean it. The latter class of people have all my respect.

When you'll remain silent and you'll see people around you getting the spot light, your ego will trouble you and fill you with jealousy. But don't listen to the ego. The world only satisfies it's temporary amusement by listening to people who talk too much. Remain silent, talk only when required. Let your words be refined. What you speak should be like a strike of a hammer, which happens sometimes, when the iron in hot.

There are also times when one should speak. When people mess around with you. Speak out. Don't fight. Let your words be your walking stick which help you to walk your way without any hindrance.

In love, always shower words. Because love that's expressed is a love that exists.

Let me end this post now.

=======

Wanted to shake off the writer's block.

Everything is fine with the office buoy. Yep.

Later!

The Office BuOy...

And so the so called, much hyped work life began. Offices are like disguised slaughter houses, slaughtering the days of our lives shift by shift. Yep.

The one good thing about office is that there's no time to think and argument about things. Therefore the mind stops fighting with you, and you're distracted. So yes, it's kind of like a psychological meditation. As of now, this is what I feel. It may get only worse later on. But this time, the worse part comes with some bucks and that's what matters. Yep.

*Misery flushed*

So here's the deal, whenever I'll feel miserable, I'll blog. Yep.

That's what I'm doing even now. I'm one of those people who fight a cyclone in their minds, every single day. Science may have a name for this state. But for me it is "Mind fuck".

People are not following the right code of conduct of a relation, if they say "You don't deserve my sadness, You only deserve her happiness". They must know that I aint a freakin' parasite. Every relation is largely about sharing misery, because only the negative emotions are meant to be shared to reduce their effect.

Also there's a gamble I've played. Sometimes things look good. Sometimes they do not.

GAH...

Lets just stop thinking for a while..
Lets just live a so called life....

YEP..

There are days when your fingers are itching and you want to take it out on your keyboard. Today is one such day. A day when it all stands clear in front of you. A clarity that is without any emotional set back.

You realize that promises are just words that people say..

You realize that true love was much more than what your heart things. It's a big big conspiracy as a whole. The universe's conspiracy.

You also realize that nights may echo with lots of words, spoken within the silence. But words are just words, the promises they make are just mere consolations. Only time acknowledges what is spoken.

You also face the fact that its only you who's looking for true love. The world is looking at faces, they're just being hypnotized by the physical beauty. It's like a big practical joke.

You just look at all these bitter truths... and you smile. Because...some days it doesn't really matter. If this is how it's supposed to be then so be it. Yep.

For the sake of it...

Sometimes, just write for the sake of it. Just because your mind wants to throw in some words. Some words that you'll make sense out of, and some which will automatically make sense, when put together. Sometimes write, to satisfy the word weaving libido of your head.

You need not write anything sensible. Just put words together, and you never know when a magical spark of meaning will be emitted.

It's not about proving the world anything, or about writing the next best love song, or getting that booker. It's just about writing.

Therefore, Sometimes just write for the sake of it. Yep.

Sweet sweet personal blog,

I know I've been a bad bad buoy. I know I haven't paid proper attention to you. But I'm helpless. My life currently is dimensionless. There's nothing to talk and rant about. There is uncertainty and a little misery too. But there are no clear signs of where I'm headed too. It's like I'm in the middle of nowhere and all I can do is just wait for my lady luck to hand me a GPS device.

After college, it feels like the ground under my feet has magically disappeared and I'm free falling to a place I don't wanna go. College was good. The boring classes, the useless lab experiments , the bridge underneath where we used to get drunk and re enter our classroom. I think I feel my "those were the days" realization.

As of now, the noose of uncertainty is still tied to my neck. Waiting for the blade of luck to cut through it. Till then I'll hang to it, like a living corpse.

Much love,
Punky..

Back..

Why am I not blogging?

That's because a dimensionless life rarely creates arguments. College has ended. I also got two job letters. But I'm not interested in the job offers. There is a lot of confusion and there's a clueless dodo.

A late realization creeps in every now and then. A realization which tells me that college was better. But actually these realizations are liars, every phase of life is equally shitty. It's just that once you get over it, you don't see the shit any more. Yep.

We are all enacting our master plans. A master plan which has its predetermined twists and turns. Its a road we gotta walk and we can't re construct it. All we can do is just walk. Yep.

Some days I'm banging my head on the wall of thoughts and some days I'm quietly walking my road. What remains is the journey, the mysterious journey.

That's about it!

And look look! I just blogged! YAY me!

Also I'll be hitting the road to Delhi again. Travelling is always fun. It gives my inner hippie a sense of satisfaction. Yep.

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Very very bad bUoy.

Yep.

What just happened...

So I get up as usual. But today was special, it was raining outside and when this happens, you wake up with a smile. I decided I'll go out for walk, BUT without an umbrella. So I stuffed my ear phones, put my Tee on and went out.

There I was, amidst nature's celebration. Enjoying every drop of celebration falling on me. Nothing really troubled me. Maybe, my mind was still asleep(It still is). I didn't care about anything. When that happens, you become one with yourself and feel complete.

I enjoyed the walk with shuffle playing songs that complimented the weather. Flooded streets, green trees, vehicles moving slowly. The world was moving in a blissful slow motion. Heh.

After a while, I come home fully drenched.

Mom asked "Who goes for a walk in the rain?"

I replied " Me. Gah"

As I was removing my wet tee, I asked my self "Who wears a tee inside out?"

I answered "Me. Gah."

Happy Birthday Abby!

This is a story, a story about a guy named Abby. He went to school with me. A winner all the way he was, in studies, in sports, in music. He wasn’t a good friend of mine but I knew that he was superior to all of us in every way.

At an age when a child’s mind only revolves around amusements and no serious business, Abby topped the competitive exam from the University of South Wales. He had topped the exam numerous times and they eventually sent him a Gold medal all the way from the South Wales.

I only remember one incident when I had gone to his place to rehearse a song we had to perform for a function. Abby played the drums. He was very good at it. While I was at his place, I saw a big notice board in his room; he had marked dates of various competitive exams. He had also jotted down the names of the colleges he wanted to get into. It was astonishing to see such focus in an 11 grader. The performance we wanted to give never happened. The Kuwaiti King had died; schools had been closed for a fake mourning.

Abby was also declared as the School president. Back in school the electoral process was highly democratic. Abby had won by a majority. Everybody knew about his brilliance.

After 11^th grade I came back to India. Abby completed his 12^th grade and took admission into Manipal University for an engineering course. There too, he was acknowledged by Nasa for his research paper.

Two months back while I was giving my final semester exams, I came to know through Facebook that Abby had suffered an accident. People continuously posted on his wall pleading him to come back strong. But I guess he was on a different road altogether. Abby became one with the whole. He wasn’t a good friend of mine, but I knew since the beginning that he was special.

Now as I look at his Facebook profile, I can’t help noticing his last profile picture. Like it wanted signify something, something that Abby wanted to tell the world. His last farewell.

Happy Birthday Abby.

You were special. Maybe that’s why you aren’t here with us.

The Conspiracy...

I’ve seen it. How it all happens just like its supposed to happen. I try hard, really hard. To stop for once and challenge the course of what’s happening. But nothing works, nothing at all. I get up on my feet and try to make my way to where I want to go. But I am knocked out onto my knees again. There are people who’re lucky, who walk on sand, who’re aided by their journey. Then there are people like me, who’re forcefully guided by a doggy collar.

Maybe some of us are entangled in a conspiracy,

The conspiracy of the universe and our destiny..

Dropping by...

I haven't written anything over here for a while now. Just enjoying a free state of mind. A mind state that's not giving out any kind of vibrations to my uncertain future. It's all good. So while I'm away you can listen to this awesome song. A song that celebrates a free mind state. You may not do weed, just like me. But all of us look for a stoner's mind state.

A certain lyrical portion I like in this song:

Oh, my daddy he once told me, 'Son, you be hard working man'
My mama she once told me, 'Son, you do the best you can'
But then one day I met a man who came up to me and said
'Hard work good and hard work fine, but first take care of head'

See you soon imaginary reader..

:)

Delhi :: II

So after an awesome night I was up very early the next day (Yes yes another crown of punctuality was accepted). It was supposed to be a long day. The homie had his exam and I was supposed to hang out for two odd hours (Baby’s Day Out).

As we checked out of the hotel and bowed down to the Paharganj for its affordable awesomeness, we thanked the Lord too as there was a light drizzle outside. I was supposed to hang out alone in the big bad city, but I’d found a companion in that soothing drizzle.

We had to board the metro again and we had some left over booze in my bag. Thankfully, homie’s brain clicked on time and despite of a hundred stares we managed to dispose the bottle. It was Delhi, that’s why we had to “Manage”.

Early morning meant a mob of people waiting for their ticket tokens. Queues were made (and broken). Shouts and cries exchanged. Stares were always being exchanged in between everything. You could always see someone breaking the queue and someone shouting. The onlookers treated it as a routine affair as they passed their boring stares. Finally we got our tokens and joined another queue to get our baggage checked. As I moved within the queue, I just thought of taking half a step out of the line. Just to facilitate the smooth movement of everyone in the line. A random man from behind commented “Line mai toh aa jao”. I was actually doing a minute social service but the idiot wanted me to join the queue and obstruct its smooth flow. I was like “WTF”. Gah.

So we boarded the awesome metro again. My homie found his exam centre, I wished him good luck like his make-believe mommy without the Dahi. After that, I was off to explore the city as it drizzled. In his drenched cargos and floaters, the wolf made his way. I was in this area called “Keshav Puram”. I thought of staying there and exploring the area. After taking a walk and spotting deserted hotels, I decided to make a move outside the area. I didn’t want to meet anyone through twitter. So I called up my sister and asked her any good place to visit in Delhi. She recommended Connaught Place.

After solving the puzzle as to which metro I had to take. I finally figured out the right route.

On my way I met this oldie Sardar who himself was puzzled, I helped him out a little. Old people are like children, they somehow retain that similar innocence. I remember this particular dialogue that the oldie sardar said while looking at the crowd

“Pata nahin duniya ko itni jaldi kyun padi hui hai”

I silently Awww-ed. I finally reached Connaught Place and that was when I realized I was in the Capital. There was a line up of expensive shops for materialistic souls and fancy women. But there were patches of Gardens here and there. In the rain, those Gardens looked greener and beautified every view. I took a walk in the park that was built in the center of the road; it’s called “Central Park” (Friends?).

Even though the park was deserted with kiddie couples enjoying the rains, I was enjoying the rain and the greenery. After taking photos, handling stares and going to the Jugaad market called “Palika bazaar” which EVEN sold duplicate ipads! I thought I should make my way for homie’s exam center so that I can catch up with him just in time.

I bought a ticket token and observed the flock of people moving here and there in the station. After which I took the metro back. The homie was tired and even me. We had to check out the monastery in Kashmere Gate but we thought of taking a last bite at McD and heading home.

Finally I bid farewell to the city and thanked the drizzle for giving me her beautiful company.

The trip was very short but I had my conclusions about the city

1- Forget the pollution induced by the traffic. There’s nothing more deadly than those public urinals. Pass by them and suffer a biological attack that can kill you multiple times. Making urinals has worsened the problem. I know it’s a petty issue but ask my nostrils and the torture they’ve suffered. *gulp*

2-Delhi SHOULD have more liquor shops. Frustrated men are not good for the crime rate. Let men surrender to psychedelia and attain peace in their inner beings. Alcohol is the ultimate resolver of issues. The resolving may be temporary but once availed regularly it can keep a check on desperate men. Drunk men are happy men not desperate men. Hence, no chance of crime.

3-Last but not the least. Delhi people should engulf tones of Chill pills. That’ll enhance their “Chill-pill” quotient. I know the city has a busy life but little speaking etiquettes don’t harm. Talking to people like your gonna kill them will not give your life any personal improvement. You’ll just re enforce your misery. So yeah engulf chill pills, meditate, sleep on time, over drink, take drugs BUT Take. It. Easy. My dear Delhites.

That is all. In the end how ever twisted the people here may be. This city is very much responsible for injecting lots of revenue in our economy. People from all over the country come here to earn their bread. This city is like that short tempered mother who may say a thing or two, but loves her children with all her heart.

Delhi, you are a kaleidoscope of colors. A collection of shades dark and light alike. However you are, I accept you and love you.

Erm.. Just open more thekas. Yep.

Movie Review :: Delhi Belly

This is my first movie review. I really don’t know how you write one. I don’t judge cinema too critically, based on technical parameters. I look at the movie, as a whole. If it manages to tell a tale which is different and has a certain degree of realism in it, it’s a thumbs up from me.

I’ve seen a lot of Comedy movies in Bollywood till now. Everyone follows the same formula, make a poor comedy movie, add some poor jokes and gags, Show those countable number of funny scenes uncountable times through the trailers and when the viewers come to the theater, they feel like they should’ve just watched the trailer.

Being a faithful Aamir Khan Productions fan, I was waiting for Delhi Belly. I knew I had to catch this movie first day. And whenever Aamir Khan is involved with a project, you can expect something creatively superior. Delhi Belly has a great story line. It’s not like the usual masala comedies, where a lame Akshay Kumar cracks a terrible joke and the audience join in with some fake laughs.

Delhi Belly is about humor, hardcore humor, where the line in between clean and obscene is rubbed and what’s on screen is mad, crazy but manages to crack you up. Because that’s what a comedy movie is supposed to do, right? If you disagree, rent a Rajshree movie and have the time of your life. It’s a comedy movie, with a strong story line, the plot is full proof. The jokes are laughable specially the comedic situations that are created as the story progresses. The dialogue writing is on-your-face. Rub the line between clean and obscene, and you’ll laugh. Because humor is all about rubbing the line in between. Yep.

The story telling could’ve been tighter during the initial stages. Then again, the dialogues keep cracking you every now and then. As the story progresses it gathers momentum but the comedic charm is not lost.

You can Google up if you want a detailed review by those over critical reviewers. I’ll just conclude it here.

Delhi Belly is a great movie. Aamir Khan Productions have experimented again and are quite successful in this experiment too. It’s not a family movie because some people use their minds while laughing. I say, let your minds relax for sometime. Go in there and bring out that child in you. You’ll have a good time. Big thumbs up to Delhi Belly.

Bollywood has come of age and that too, so beautifully.

Delhi :: I

Delhi. Our beloved capital city. In my entire life, I had visited its exterior many times. Just by road, mainly to board flights or receive someone. While going to the Airport by road from Chandigarh it takes around 5 hours. As a child I always used to recognize Delhi by big traffic jams and smoke filled highways. The traveler in me always wanted to explore this city. And so I'd given a chance to do so. It was supposed to be a really short trip, of one day. But I was excited.

So me and the homie set out early in the morning. I was up at 5, one of those few days when I could wear that crown of punctuality. It was raining as both of us made our way towards the railway station. We had our fingers crossed, so that we could get our train tickets in the current slot, which rarely happens. And because this over populated country prefers to book its train tickets beforehand. As expected, we didn't get the tickets. There was a detour to the bus stand with a puking bag in hand. As a child, road travels haven't suited me. Even now, that childhood trait is revived sometimes.

Thankfully the bus journey was smooth minus the heat. After 5 hours we were in

D d d d d d dilli dilli dilli dilli dilli dilli dilli!

Welcoming us was a bus stand which looked like a graveyard. We got down and made our way to the metro station. Our hungry tummies were screaming out to our brains to find some place to eat. That's when we spotted a McD at the Kashmere Gate metro station. I liked the fact that they had a McD in the train station. Hungry peeps can hop off trains, take a bite and leave with smiles. We sat and started hogging like hungry elephants. We looked around and saw couples sharing their burgers. It was a little strange, I mean why not go for two burgers. What if your partner has bad breath? Gah!

As I looked around I saw this Chinese lady carrying her tray here and there, trying to find a place to sit. She looked like she was a backpacker. Dressed in hippie like attire with a back pack. I waved out to her as there was an empty table beside me. She smiled and said “Thayeenk you” in her Chinese accent. She sat there as me and the homie silently munched our burgers. I wanted to start a conversation but it was Delhi and there was tag hanging on me, which said “Rapist?” .Also; I’m very bad at starting conversations with random people. So, I just let her enjoy her meal. After a while I saw her taking out a journal and writing something in Chinese. I presumed she must be writing about me. Heh.

So, after the hunger satisfaction session. We were ready for our first metro ride. The long queue at the ticket kiosk was a bummer. We silently joined the queue. We were confused as to which route we had to take for Janakpuri West. We thought we’d ask the ticket vending lady once our turn comes. That’s just what we did. But she pointed finger at the map drawn beside her counter, in complete disinterest. We asked people behind us, they behaved like dodos too. So finally we figured it out ourselves and bought two ticket tokens.



We entered the metro station as we saw people flocking here and there. Students, working people, oldies everybody had that ”Big city” hurry. We figured out which train to board, all thanks to that little map you could spot everywhere in the metro station. It’s a savior.

The metro arrived, like it floated on something really silky. No noise, no screeching breaks. The automated doors opened and there was a frantic exchange of people. Two crowds of people moved in and out of the train. After a little pushing, you’re automatically pushed to your destination. Everything is automated here. Heh.

The metro made its way on the elevated rails. The station announcer sounded like Kumar Sanu, announced station names after an interval of 4-5 minutes. This metro is fast dude. Like really fast. But I had a tough time stopping my laughter when I heard station names like “Shaadi Pur” , “Pull Bangesh” , or the awesomest of them all “Jhande waala”.

I noticed people in metros. They were like people everywhere; just that they love to stare at you. I don’t know if I was noticing too much because I had come with a preconceived notion about the city being unsafe. But still, they just won’t stop staring at you. Click a photo. Stare. Talk with your homie. Stare. Laugh at a funny station name. Stare. Stare. Stare. Stare. I must say I started feeling like a chick. Yep.

Also I saw many kids in the metro with books opened in front of them. With earphones on, they continuously stared at a single page without turning it. Couldn’t make out if they were asleep.

A couple of minutes and four hundred stares later we reached Janakpuri. I had to enquire about a training institute. So after talking with this cute receptionist who asked us water and never really served it, we left. We had to find some place to stay for the night.

Thanks to my awesome twitter folks. I came to know about Paharganj. I’d researched a little about it. It was know to be a hippie and backpacker’s hub. We reached the place. I won’t say that the place had a scenic beauty. It was just like any other part of Delhi, but it felt like home. Why? Cheap hotels, Dhabas. My wallet was smiling already.

After getting a cheap room, we embraced our beds for sometime. Talked about our futures which don’t look quite bright at the moment. After an hour we hopped down to hunt for some food and booze. We thought of looking for some booze first. We walked the shop filled boulevard. Paharganj totally looked like the desi time square. We then encountered a severe disappointment. We couldn’t find a liquor shop. In fact all this while we hadn’t spotted a single liquor store! This was bad! And for guys like us it was the end of the world! I had found my answer. Men here are frustrated due to lack of drinking points, that’s why a lot of crime happens here. Yep.

We finally spotted one and we thanked the lord a hundred times. Homie got a bottle, after which we got some food and made our way to the room. The over spicy food sucked but it was okay, as we had a bottle to finish after it. After hogging the shitty food, we poured our drinks. After finishing the first round, we knew something was missing. We looked around and suddenly spotted the noisy TV. I did a good deed by switching it off. And after that, we were on trip down the memory lane. We talked our hearts out; it was like pushing the rewind button and reliving the twenty odd years again. Time had stood still. Some 90s music gave us company and we were having the time of our life. Memories, crushes, Old TV shows, movies everything was discussed. The talking session went on till 3 am. If it weren’t for this drinking session the first day of this trip would’ve been a total disaster. A memory was created that night, a memory which will last a lifetime. Yep.

= = = = = = = =

This concluded the first day of my Delhi trip.

In the next part, we’ll talk about more Delhi stares. How this kid roams alone in the big city while it rains and draw certain (harsh) conclusions about the city.

Cheers to my imaginary reader.

Later.

Heading out of the cave….

The dark cave may cover the skies above. But in the end the sky will re appear. That day you'll look back at the cave and smile.

I've reached the end of my cave. It feels good. All the good or bad things that have happened in the past, I'm so very glad about them. They just gave my destiny's course a new direction. The storms, the violent waves, every moment I've spent with them. They've shaped me. They've made me a survivor. They were my friends disguised as foes.

Now, I value moments. Moments before the storm. I live in moments; therefore life isn't small for me. Little joys are grand celebrations for me.

=)

PS- Now that I'm a little free. There'll be lots to write here. Firstly, a tribute post to all college friends. Are you listening imaginary reader? Excited?! Heh!

Dear XYZ,

I know life hasn't been fair to you. The hardships you've faced in your life, are much worse than what we all suffer. You've cried late at nights with no one besides you but your misery. I know my dear; I can't even imagine your pain. No matter how many words I utter to console you, they'll never heal the wounds your heart hides. I've tried time and again, to be your light, to help you. But I guess the darkness has become a part of you now. I'll not tell you anything now; I'll just embrace you and let you free. With all my wishes and prayers with you, I'll let you walk the walks of life. You might trip and fall time and again, but I'll be right there smiling at you.

May you find the life you desire. May those voids of heart fill in with a new hope, a new love and a never ending feeling of emotional completeness.

All my wishes and love to you…

 

= = = = =

Sometimes it's better to leave people on their own. You can't change their course of destiny. Just let them walk the walks of life with your silent prayers assisting them. Yep.

 

Meet the old man…

22. Just a number. For a traveler, numbers don't matter. The journey matters and it goes on….

I usually don't like birthdays, for some strange reason. Yeah. But there's a weird feeling at the end of the day, and for a change it's good. Feels like crossing a hurdle. I see closed doors. Closed doors hiding something unknown, which may be good.

No ranting today. A smile on my face, about the unknown that lies ahead. Coz that smile is what matters. It adds meaning, adds essence to a life full of unknown surprises.

This old man is 22.

<Insert coughs>

Where's my arm chair?

#BirthdayBoy

Here's my birthday cap…

What's written on it is "Jack ass"…

Birthdays are just tight slaps on your face which remind you of old you're supposed to become. Yep.

My birthdays have always coincided with chaotic times in my lives, like today. Something which really does not make my existence so merry.

Also all that formality of other's wishing you, A happy birthday. Gah. And only you know that there's nothing to be happy. Heh.

As always, even on this birthday I let out some more thread to this kite of mine…..

Let the divine wind take me to some place, which is hopefully better….

Happy Birthday, Me.

Life and its one last quickie…

Sick and tied. Yep.
This post does not sound any different from what I always write here. But I've hit the saturation point again. If you don't know what's the Saturation point, you can look back into the blocg archive. I've described it and it sucks. But if you're too lazy to check, I'll describe it in four simple words- "HADD HO GAYEE HAI".
Well yes. And these times hurt even more when all your friends are busy enjoying and planning their bright bright futures and you're busy giving your back papers. Gah.
Maybe for some people life is different…
After fucking you a hundred times, it will end up asking you for a one last quickie.
That's life for some of us. Yep.
And it sucks…
GAH.
PS- Who's birthday is it tomorrow?

Just. Look. At. Those. Figures.

12/14

Papers cleared/ Papers given.

All the shit that I write here is largely because of my engineering degree course. For some of you I may be a kid who's sweating the small stuff. But remember, even an ant bite is capable enough to kill an elephant. In the end, it's not how big or small the thing is. It's the impact. Yep.

Engineering has given me a lot of mental torture. Well, I had fun too. But there has been a lot of mind fuck. Sleepless nights, miserable dreams, rants on twitter, some tears in silence. Back-to-back exams. For 3 consecutive years I had written an exam on my birthday (this year being the fourth one).

But in between this entire mind fuck. All the misery, I discovered a part of me that I never knew before.

It's like getting lost in the darkness and finding someone beautiful.

Now I think I'm a little more refined. I speak less. I have an awakened spiritual side. I also discovered a unique inner voice inside me. And most of all, I've started drinking. Heh.

So there, all that shit becomes worth it. When you look at the mirror and a better, more refined and a stronger person stares back at you.

Thank you Engineering. For all the shit. For all the misery. But most of all, a new "Me". Yep.

PS- More about the figures stated in the beginning: I'd given 14 papers in 2 months. Cleared 12. 3 more to go and I'm off to a different road. Yep.

*Sob*

Farewell to the friends,

Farewell to this place,

Farewell to my college days,

Farewell to the moments,

Farewell to the times.

But not to the memories,

That'll stay in my mind...

====

Last day of college today. *sob*

More later. But before that, a last exam. Yep.

The emotional ocean…

Firstly apologies to my Imaginary reader for the previous blog post. Even I couldn't understand what I wrote. Didn't expect a Bacardi Breezer to do this much damage. Then again, my metabolism is crazy like me.

Anyhow…

The thing I wanted to talk about…

Over the years, some of us collect an emotional ocean beneath us. Some of us who aren't bestowed with small woes. The woes that justify the imperfection of our life are not what others around us have. But we keep moving, because that's the rule. The emotional ocean keeps increasing inside us. Barriers of loneliness keep it locked in. Some days, this ocean inside us roars. And there's a random urge to cry. Just to let go. Just to embrace a warmth we want to feel deep inside our hearts. But the tears silently flow, as the inner ocean roars….

Weird feeling this is…

I feel it many times….

Then again, I'm crazy just like my metabolism. Yep.

#DrunkBlogPost

Sorry world.
I may not have a cliche life. My woes may be small for you. But only this bearer knows the pain. You may be point fingers and pass your judgements. But this man, right here , on the opposite side of your finger tip, is actually a more realistic judge. Your cliche perspective may feed your brain with motions. But his heart is trapped in between layers of thorns. You cannot be a true judge, as only he knows the pain.

Don't blame anybody, world. They're all puppets of their circumstances. Try to understand each one's circumstances. It will only make you thankful about your life. A life you may take for granted.

Behind the person being blamed, is his ugly destiny playing a game with his circumstances.

Like I always say. The road has already been laid. We're merely walking it.

Also, I think I love her. Well, this heart of mine. It runs away like a little puppy to any slight display of affection. I know it's fucking stupid. Maybe that's why it's my heart.

I won't think about the future. I always do. Every. Fuckin'. Second. Of. My. Life. But now, I won't. I'll enjoy this temporary relief.

I surrender to you, my ugly destiny. Here, I'm right here by your feet. Crying for sympathy. You give me my consolation prize and I'll wipe these tears and sport a smile.

Yep.

#DrunkBlogPost
Whatever that meant. I'll figure out later. It just came out.

Saturation Point..

What is the saturation point?

When you don't feel like crying. Because those tears have dried up. When you feel like ripping out that heart of yours. Because all that frustration has now turned into rage. When every one has moved on but you're still there, chained to your misery. When there's nothing left, hope, love, happiness. It all burnt in that fire inside you.

Now you've attained that saturation point, when you want it all to end.In an instant. In this very moment. Coz now... It's unbearable.

Today I feel that Saturation point. Yep.

Another The End...

Another night.
Another battle survived.
Again the sword has been drawn back into the scabbard.
As I sleep under the moonlight.

Good night Imaginary reader.

The Couch..

This couch has been a witness to many of my engineering degree battles. Yeah. I've won some and lost some..

But it still stands strong...

For me it's my chariot. Yep.

PS- I'm checking the photo sending feature of my phone. If you see the picture of my couch, it works. Else, it doesn't.

The Sweeter Fall...

I've fallen down yet again.

But it feels different.

The fall feels like a routine thing. I feel a little stronger. Maybe, I'm headed to a different direction. Maybe.

After all the hardships, there comes a phase of emotional weightless-ness, emotional numbness. Although those wounds will hurt.

And when the skies are dark. There's always a guiding star, bestowed upon us by the divine power. I'm glad I've got my guiding star.

Also, we're back after completing the circle. I started this blog after I deleted my previous Twitter account. I've deleted my Twitter again. Why? To escape my stagnant mind. I don't want to hold onto my thoughts. Times are tough, I'd rather glide through them. Or as Zen states I want to "Empty my vessel".

I secretly wait for better days like always. So that hope can be instilled again.

Please note. I'm not cribbing. Just stating facts.

Things will get better from now on. I know. I fuckin' know this.

I got drunk today too. Alone. For once the world didn't matter. I just enjoyed my fall in slow mo.

Let's not strech this bollywood drama.

I'll see you on the other side.

<Insert orchestra music>

PS- Tell your small mind to relax and ignore the typos.

Darkness...

It's 3 am. There's a power cut. I can hear the sound of rainfall outside, as darkness gives me company.

They've all misunderstood darkness. It's one true companion anyone can have. It makes you feel that you're alone. You actually are. It says nothing to console you. Thereby making you accept a silent truth. Yep.

Asking the sissy girl to shut up...

I've realized that this blog has started to stink now. Yep.

I should reduce the ranting. Let's not crib and cry over every fuckin' thing that comes up. Cribbing will not change anything, it will only feed the sissy girl in me and will only make this blog even more stinkier. Yep.

So from now on, lets reduce the cribbing. Yep.

I'll try blogging like those self obsessed pretty girls in pink text color.

Anyhow, as I mentioned in the previous post. The march towards the battle field has begun. But there's a little difference this time. This good for nothing soldier is marching with his chest inflated , holding an invisible shield of hope. Let's fight this last battle of Engineering after which I'll preach anti engineering teachings to the world.

I'll ask kids to commit suicide rather than opt for an engineering course in India. Yep.

Something off the topic....

One of the most important things in life is to take a stand. It is a pathway to your individuality, to self-discovery. Therefore, take a stand, find yourself and march down the walks of life like a soldier full of self pride. Yep.

Amen.

PS- I always imagine an imaginary reader who reads my posts. So yea, Imaginary reader , please pray for my exams. Yep.

Marching down the line....

...and so, the final battle begins. We're heading towards the storm,
which hides a rising sun. A sun which will mark the beginning of good
days. Yep.

Incompleteness….

Here I am again. The same miserable me, Handling the miseries which haunt me.

There are regular blows of fate that remind me of my living. Something is always missing, always. I've never laid back on my couch with a smile on my face and a sweet realization that everything is fine.

My chains of miseries keep dragging me like a dog. I look for completeness, at least for sometime. Just to feel that how it feels like to actually "Live" a life. Vague memories in my mind tell me that it's a good feeling. A sweet sweet childhood still shines as I look back while walking the walks of life.

The future looks mysterious not what I had expected. It never is what I want it to be. Maybe, that's how it justifies its role as my future. I have a feeling this incompleteness will stay, like a disease. I will walk with this disease, towards my grave.

I don't mind walking towards my grave,

I just want to do it with a happy face….

===============

PS- This rant rhymes. #JustNoticed

The mind….

A much needed change happened today. It was the usual suspect, the mind. I kept it busy and life was good. Everything made sense. Even the ugly seemed beautiful.

The mind, your personal projector. It's up to you if you want to watch a happy movie or a Hollywood horror.

Another post. Another ranting session..

I know there's something seriously wrong with my psychology. Yeah.

I may know a lot of things about life but when it comes down to finding a simple thing called "Relief", I fail.

Almost half of the world is also searching for the same thing called "Relief".

I guess this is the ugly truth we all have to encounter, that our lives will have voids and ultimately we will have to let go, to experience relief.

But it's so hard to let go….

But there are happy people in this world. I wonder what is it that they possess. How are their inner beings so protected from the ugly truths of life.

Or may be they are just too lucky.

Yes, lucky. Provided with a smooth pre destined path of life.

Maybe I'm not that lucky. Or maybe I'll just wait for my path to turn smooth.

Else I'll get used to this stumbling and falling, again and again..

We mortals are full of questions. Full of doubts. Full of uncertainty.

The modern life has given us a bloody hurry. No one has time to sit down and ponder. To admire the rising sun and smile back at it. To feed the weak stray dog and be a little thankful. To dance to your favorite song in the middle of the night.

We've stopped living now. We're always "looking forward" to a life which will never come to us.

We, the modern inhabitants. We need some time off. All the rich folks should buy an island for people like us. Where we can go for a self healing exile. Where we can surf the waves during the day and light bon fires , and sing songs during the night.

It's all so good to be true.

That's because…

You won't get an Island to get a realization. But, why can't you just sit there without any questions, without any doubts or complaints. Just exist blissfully in the moment.

Sometimes don't debate. Don't talk. Get drunk and just smile at each other. Hug each other.

Don't let the modern life make a dog out of you.

Because sadly, it's quite successful at doing so.

PS- I'm not high on anything. Yep.

The question is about "Relief" and where can it be found?

Because without relief life is worse than death. Death is instant relief, but misery is death every day.

This plate you've got in front of you. It's what you have. Little or more, that's what you've got. No one can change it.

You can see relief in a beggar's facial expressions. Why? Does he have something more in his life? No. It was what he was given. His plate had a little sauce of "relief".

It's the relief that the rich man looks for, in his air conditioned car. He hides it all under his million dollar fake smile.

Relief. I looked for it here and there…

But, I guess it's not on my plate….

Every single day I realize that life isn't easy. The myths of childhood are rectified every day.

A hurricane destroys the fairy tale land that used to exist in my imagination. In the end a dark reality is always grinning.

I've seen people go through a lot in life. It is kinda tragic. But there is a certain thing that I've noticed. The outcome that is left behind.

Bad times leave you with a divine energy. The ego is curbed, shaped and humbleness is attained.

In the end, it's the fire that gives the luster. Therefore, bad days are good days in disguise.

When the storm moves away, the patterns will be formed and a beautiful picture will be complete.

Yep.

Dedicated to a dear one.

Back…

I'm back again, trying to blurt out the ramblings that generate in my top most floor, which is basically empty. It's been a while, I know.

What was I upto? Nothing actually.

I was just waiting, being a witness to what's happening. Watching the waves of thoughts hitting my head.

Just watching, NOT resisting.

Then, by the grace of the Almighty. Things changed.

There were endless days of darkness for a long time..

Then a ray of light appeared from nowhere..

That's how the self got illuminated..

And those dark days didn't matter

So here I am. Awaiting my job offer letter, after clearing some interviews and realizing how little I sucked. The job is not something grand, but it's my consolation prize. I'll wipe it every single day and keep it close to my heart.

Faith was restored. Although after a month things will drastically change. College will end. I never expected I'll miss my college. But sadly, now I do. Drinking sessions happen with the homies. All those days now appear to be really sweet. We swear and wish that time could somehow freeze but that won't happen.

Because that's the rule, times will only be valued if they pass on. That's how we'll get memories to cherish. Yep.

But currently I want to enjoy this serene mind state, with the light breeze of relief blowing on my conscious. Also, a meditation regime has been started and it's working.

It's all good, as of now. *touches wood*

 

Mind fucked…

No. This post isn't as depressing as the title sounds. But yes, I've always felt that my mind has been my enemy in these recent years. A mind triggered by social networking. Too much of thinking is like quick sand, pulls you down slowly. And then.. going down becomes a routine… it also becomes difficult to take a plunge every single time.

I tried fighting the mind. But it only makes things worse. Remember what happened to Doctor Octopus when his brain controlling chip fused? That's pretty much what I'm talking about.

Yes there is Yoga. But it comes with one more thing called "discipline". That's when a "full stop" is added to this escape route.

Let's not fight the mind for now. Let it take me, wherever it goes..

Saw "Dum maro dum" today. Loved it. Also, it has aroused my interest in psychoactive drugs again. Naah, I don't think about taking them. But a certain curiosity is still there.

Dad in the hospital. Nothing serious. Prayers will help.

So long.

Today I returned on twitter for sometime, and watched it kill my day
slowly and ruthlessly. I'll still stand by my opinion Twitter is bad
bad bad. Yep.

It was Sachin Tendulkar's bday today. I truly regard him as someone
with a divine force. They showed a documentary about him on TV today,
and that he had played for some 55 consecutive days straight. I call
that pure dedication. And I compared myself, how even a busy month
gets me all depressed.

Then again, he's Sachin and I'm a good for nothing wolf. Yep.

I strongly believe that the divine power bestows an unstoppable
passion to a person, and then puts him in a right direction. It all
automatically happens under his supervision. Yep.

God bless Sachin.

Also Shri Satya Sai died today. I wasn't a follower of his. But he was
a saint. And any saint who has managed to break a materialistic
circle, and served mankind has all my respect.

God bless his soul too.

In the end, I'd also like to crib out my troubling thoughts. A
question that troubled me today.

In today's world every individual is judged on materialistic
parameters. Some people like me, do not fulfill some of those
parameters. After a while, what matters is the emotional support. But
it's like a deal ppl make, they want to be with THE best person, a
materialistically best person.

Are there ppl, who take a chance, and gamble on Golden hearts? Or is
it actually dog's world?

GAH.

Thank the ugliness...

You all should be thankful for your ugliness.
It's like a barrier provided to you, which automatically filters out
people who're not worth a damn.
Yes.

Have a beautiful heart. Keep it polished , in shape. People who cross
the gates of your ugliness will witness a beautiful heart. A never
ending fountain of love and affection, that they'll cherish their
entire life.

Therefore, thank the ugliness. Yep.

====

Mind state is coming on track.
See, less social networking helps the nerves. Yep.
Get off your computer screens. A beautiful life is waiting to be lived. Yep.

I'm always looking back,
Trying to find,
Someone,
I've left behind...


Her thoughts haunted me again..
Thanks to the cloudy weather and mushy music.
Gah.


===Back to the seminar presentation===

All you have is the moment...

It's all in THIS moment.
Don't have a false opinion about a certain need/aspiration/ dream
leading to ultimate content-ness.
If you stop accepting the moment for what it is, then there's a very
large possibility that you'll not witness bliss, all your life.

====
Need to numb the brain cells.
Also, I'm so glad that I'm off twitter. I don't plan to return to it.
Twitter just gives a make believe impression about yourself. Nothing
over there is real. What's real is in front of you? Look at the
mirror. That's you. The real deal. Yep.

RIP Christopher McCandless...

I had this movie "Into the wild" on my computer, for a while now. Saw it today.

I'm speechless. Yep.

I always used to question the system we live in. The so- called rules
we've created and how we've given a Godly status to money. This movie
just put everything in perspective for me. We NEED the system.

But, for some time, people should be sent, on their own, into the
wilderness. So that everyone can find the uniqueness in them. Yeah.
It's about finding yourself.

You should watch this movie. What's heart breaking, is that it's based
on a true story.

Christopher McCandless, a man who thought that life could be free
flowing process. Just like I want it to be.

May God bless his soul. RIP.

=====

Life's okay.
Frequent mindfucks happen.
I need to calm down.
Someone press the fast forward button.

Nothing like sleep...

Nothing like sleep, dude. Nothing like sleep.

Yesterday, I was all mindfucked. Locked in my room as the folks of my
family watched their TV merrily in the other room.

So I skipped dinner and went to sleep. I woke up today morning.
Brushed my teeth. Went to sleep again. Woke up again. Read some
newspaper crap, and Went to sleep again.

It's 11 am. The situation is like yesterday. I'm in my room. The
family folks are busy with their hustle bustle, but i'm here with my
solitude intact.

There are no questions in the mind. My conscience is showing a big
finger to the mind, as it lay defeated. A thousand flames of hope
dazzle in the midst of darkness.

And I repeat,

Nothing like sleep, dude.
Nothing like sleep.

Yep. I'm anti social. I've got a social phobia. People make me
uncomfortable. I'm a wolf who won't even go for hunting, just to justify
his social phobia.

But, actually isn't life just about those countable number of people
around you. The faces may change with time. But they'll always remain
a few of them. Yep.

Then why indulge in make- believe crowded, celebrations? I actually
want to specify Indian weddings here.

They scare the shit outta me. So many people. Cameras here and there.
How to walk, how to hold a normal expression, how to not look too
ugly, and a hundred questions keep echoing in the mind. Gah.

Why can't it be about "You" and "I" and "Tom Dick and Harry"? Won't it
be beautiful that way?

=====

Mind has started fucking around with me again. I see a doomed future,
even before it's actually doomed.

It's like I've beheaded the optimist inside me and I'm rubbing a lemon
on his neck. Yep.

A thing to be glad. An idea sparked in my mind today. I hope I get to
execute it, before I hit that grave. Heh.

Eeeeeee!

Today's day was like this technicolor day, coming my way as I
struggled to live a black and white life.

I may be dead tired as I tap this post on my bed, but I have a smile on my face.

Once again, it's proved that number 2 is a lucky digit for me. April
11th it is today. Even a friend thinks that number 2 is lucky for him,
that's coz he gets laid on the second of every month. Yeah. But hush!
Don't tell anybody, secrets are exclusively let out on this blog.
Also, I'd love to date number 2 born chicks. Yeah. Ping me.

I'll try not to smile, as i sleep tonight. Also I can hear a Jason
Miraz singing "I'm yours" in my head. Yeah. That gibberish hum "Dum tu
du du tu du"

Eeee!

PS- Oh thou higher power, a pinch of days like these are urgently
required in my life. Yep.

I also love Irani chicks.
The above line may not make any sense here. But still.

To Sylvia Plath...

These days I've been reading a lot of poetry by Sylvia Plath. I remember back in high school, we had a poem by her in our english text book. I also remember the teacher telling us, that she was under a lot of stress and depression, and had committed suicide.

So yesterday I just googled her up and found out that she had put her head in an oven and killed herself!

I went on and read some of her poems. Some were very abstract. But some had intense dark emotions bursting out of them.

It's tragic how this young and beautiful lady, decided to take such an extreme step. Maybe, all she wanted was someone to talk to. A husband who left her. A father who died. Crippling her emotions which looked for support.

I was thinking, only if I'd knew her. I would've heard her heart out. Maybe, even had a drink or two with her.

..because that's what some people need. Just someone to talk to. But they're left there, in those dark corners as their emotions haunt the valleys of loneliness...

As I always say,
Some people are meant to walk the shadows.

Sylvia may be gone. But she has left priceless words behind her. Words which will echo till the end of time. Giving people glimpses of the hells, people go through.

I miss you Sylvia, wish I would've been there, to lend my shoulder to you...

I'd like to end this post with some lines by her-



"Sooner or later something goes amiss,
The singing birds pack up and fly away.
So never try to trick me with a kiss,
The dying man will scoff and scorn at this."

R.I.P Sylvia..